Inside an igloo. Mummy Penguin is sitting watching television. She is wearing a woolly hat, a scarf and gloves, and shivering. Daddy Penguin enters, followed by a flurry of snow in the wind. He is wearing wellington boots, an overcoat and a scarf. His beak is chattering.

Daddy Penguin: Honey, I'm home!

Mummy Penguin: Don't shout. You'll wake the egg.

The egg is sitting where the corner of the room would be, if igloos had corners. The egg is wearing a woolly hat, a heavy Aran sweater and a scarf.

Egg: Yeah. Keep the noise down, daddy-oh.

MP: You mind your language.

DP: Blimey, it's cold out there. My ears are freezing.

MP: You haven't got any ears, darling. You're a penguin.

DP takes off overcoat and boots.

MP: Had a nice day at the biscuit factory?

DP: Oh, so so. How's the egg?

MP: Grizelda came and had a look at him.

DP: What did she say?

MP: It's a boy.

DP: How can she tell?

MP: She says he shivers more than a girl would.

Egg: At-choo!

DP: What are we going to name him?

MP: I don't know. I haven't really thought about it.

DP: I thought Ppppickupa would be a nice name.

MP: There's been something on the news about global warming. I think you ought to see it.

MP switches the television on. The newscaster is a penguin wearing a scarf and a woolly hat.

Televison: A new variety of human flu is spreading across the world. Penguin scientists believe it could mutate into a variety of avian flu similar to the one that wiped out three penguins in 1961.

Television shows montage of people sneezing and a penguin funeral.

Television: Freezing cold weather has brought most of Antarctica to a standstill.

Television shows picture of motionless polar bear and walrus.

Television: But for how much longer? We'll continue this story after a commercial break.

Commercial Break: Line of penguins jumping up and down singing to tune of Bobby Shaftoe

Penguin Biscuits gone to sea,
Silver buckles on his knee,
He'll come back and marry me,
Bonny Penguin Biscuits.

News resumes.

Television: Penguin meteorologists calculate that the average temperature of Antarctica will have risen to 32 degrees Celsius by five o'clock on Wednesday.

Penguin Scientist on Television: Granted, that's a worst case scenario.

MP: If global warming means Antarctica gets warmer than it is in here, I'm all in favour of it.

DP: But how shall we earn a living? Penguin Biscuits will melt at that sort of temperature.

MP: So what are we going to do if the temperature rises and Antarctica becomes uncomfortably hot?

DP: That's easy, my darling. We'll move to Edinburgh.

Egg: At-choo! No, thanks!