Felicity has just stumbled into a bank. She's dishevelled, irate, and on the warpath.

FELICITY: Hi. This is a cigar box with a picture of King George IV on the top. It was once a paintbox, hence the globs of acrylic on the inside. You see, before now I haven’t been able to afford anything grander than this to keep my humble pennies in, though now I’ve come to realise that I have more trust in a two-dimensional dead monarch than you. You’ve let my identity be stolen twice over a ten-year period, costing me nearly five thousand pounds, which can’t seem a very large sum to you or you’d have given me more compensation, or at least a free pen. But I can assure you, it’s a fortune to a girl who’s struggling to pay back her extortionate student loans plus keep herself in plain hairclips and reinforced tights because God forbid she looks like a bohemian in the workplace and show up the oh-so-darlingly creative Head of Associative Marketing!

How does it feel to you? Would an actor baulk at the prospect of memorising it (even though that's what they're paid to do)? Does it flow okay? I've been tweaking it for at least fifteen minutes, I'm in to deep to see the big picture...

Any help would be lovesome =)

My first reaction when seeing the topic for this was "If you have to ask, then it probably is."
Doesn't mean you need to cut back on the dialogue. Just break it up with action. Have Felicity walk around, pick something up, turn to look at someone... Anything to make it look like she's not just sitting or standing in one place, still as a stone. Even if it's just one line of action, like "Felicity leans against her desk," or something like that, it still breaks up the lines and gives the actor something to do with themselves.

Yes, I thought that about the having to ask bit... breaking it up with action sounds good, I'll do that. Thanks!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
{ Felicity Libertine & the Dead - currently struggling through the dross... }

100 pages divided by 30 days equals 3.33333333333333333333333333333333 pages per day. Hooray for fun maths!

Have you ever read a gilmore girls script? They talk for miles, and it totally works. I don't think this is too long. A good way to judge though would be to read it out loud, or better yet have someone else read it out loud, that will help you a lot when it comes to long chunks of dialogue or dialogue that you are worried sounds odd. :)

I just read it out loud, speeding up and getting more irate as I went, and it seems to work fine. As someone else mentioned: works for the Gilmore Girls!

EDIT:
With regards to flow, I found myself automatically adding the bits inside the []s when I was reading:
"You see, before now I haven’t been able to afford anything grander than this to keep my humble pennies in, though now I’ve come to realise that['s because] I have more trust in a two-dimensional dead monarch than [I do in] you."

Seems to drive the point home a little more, maybe?

Or instead of "I have", you could use "I've got"?
And instead of "to keep my humble pennies in", it could be "in which to keep my humble pennies"?

Just ideas, hopefully to help not hinder! :)
(I'm British as well, if it's relevant?)

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ANNA
+ SF 08: Paragon for TV [sci-fi action-drama]
+ NANO 07: The Block, WIN!
+ SF 07: untitled, no win
+ NANO 06: Paragon, no win

Thanks, thespyglass - I'll add the bits you said (it does flow better!) then read it out loud for myself and see what it does for me... and it's totally relevant that you're British, because she's a very British heroine and I think the way she talks is very important to her character =) Thanks again!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
{ Felicity Libertine & the Dead - currently struggling through the dross... }

100 pages divided by 30 days equals 3.33333333333333333333333333333333 pages per day. Hooray for fun maths!

My initial reaction as an actor is "fine for theatre, too long for TV," however I don't watch the Gilmore Girls, so if it works for them, it'll probably work for you.

The editor part of me doesn't like "you see" (and it's everywhere). I always hear underneath "let me spell it out for you, you total ignoramus."

As far as memorizing-most actors (myself included) love being onstage and being the center of attention.

I'm guessing in your scriptwriting software this takes up almost half a page. It's way, way too long for a television spec. Anyone reading this is going to see a big block of text and probably stop reading. Break up the bits with action. So say, after "two-dimensional dead monarch than you." put something like:

Felicity gives the bank teller the evil eye.

"You've let my identity be stolen twice, etc."

and then after "free pen"

The bank teller starts to speak, but Felicity is on a roll.

Or, you know, something better. :) But using action lines breaks up the dialogue so it's not one big chunk.

Folks have cited Gilmore Girls as an example. I couldn't find my samples of those, but while they were long (90 pages) I don't remember them having long speeches. West Wing was guilty of this every once in a while, but it's something you can get away with in an established show. Avoid it in specs, because you have to remember the folks you are trying to get to read these have a whole stack of them waiting and are just looking for an excuse to not have to read yours.

Hope this helps.

bgirlla - This really helped me. Throwing in action lines that don't necessarily break up the flow of the speech but also mean it isn't so intimidating for the reader. Nice. I'll remember this one, cheers :)

---------
ANNA
+ SF 08: Paragon for TV [sci-fi action-drama]
+ NANO 07: The Block, WIN!
+ SF 07: untitled, no win
+ NANO 06: Paragon, no win