There is a snap of a twig. She stops what she is doing and looks around. She sees that no one is there and she returns to her work. The camera goes closer, bobbing up and down like it’s the eyes of a person walking. A very quite breathing sound is heard. Very quiet. The person is standing above the blondenow. The blonde turns and gasps. Eyes grow wide with horror.
THE BLONDE
Wh-wh-wh-wh-who are you?
The camera turns to see the back of the blonde’s head and the outline of a person. Their arm raises and there appears to be a knife in their hand. He lunge the knife down towards the blonde’s body and the blonde’s body falls with very little sound when it hits the cold earth. He looks around to make sure no one has heard or seen and he bends down and checks her pulse. You see a smile but only a smile in a small bit of moonlight. He stands up and walks away. The seen fades.
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Maretha sat down on the couch. She picked up the newspaper. She looked at the headline. It says "Previous Graveyard Caretaker Autopsied." She gasped.
MARETHA
Reading Aloud
'The last Graveyard Caretaker, Jessica Bonnies, a blonde 30 year old, was autopsied just yesterday. The coroner decided that she died from blood-loss since the knife didn't hit too many organs, or at least not enough to cause death, and didn't go in very straight, causing more room for blood to come out. The body will soon be released back to the family.' That's horrible.
ROSEMARY
Standing over her shoulder
Three othes died and the news paper says that you could be next...
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CHECK OUT LINE LADY
Gasps
You're Maretha Glock, the new Graveyard Caretaker. You're famous for attempting to cover a job three people died doing! You're even in the news paper! Are you really causing the strange tombstone activity?
MARETHA
No. Can you just give me the reciept?
CHECK OUT LINE LADY
Into the mike
We have a little in-town celebrity here. Maretha Glock, the graveyard caretaker doing the job 3 people died doing!
Maretha grabbed the bread, dropped the money for the bread and ran out of the store, thankful she had her purse on her shoulder. She turned and saw a few people following her. She ducked into a costume shop. There was only a teenager reading a book at the desk.
MARETHA
Talking spazztic.
QUICK! LOCK THE DOORS! PULL DOWN THE BLINDES! THE WHOLE TOWN HAS GONE CRAZY!
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Maretha stopped and shreaked. She pointed to the ground.
MARETHA
Honey! What on Earth is that?
STEVEN
It's an albino squirrel.
Show an albino squirrel that's glowing in the dark.
MARETHA
But it's glowing!
STEVEN
It's the new glow-in-the-dark-albino squirrel. Now come on! Let's keep going!
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Maretha turned and saw David Hasselhoff, a corpsy blue and purple zombie carrying a lifeguard floatie thing, doing his Baywatch run across the graveyard.
----------------------------
MARETHA
Who are you?
BAD GUY (V.O.)
Do you honestly think I'd tell you?
MARETHA
Why not? Sometimes Bad guys go into a nice long spazz about their plan and their plot and such and such. That's following the villain code right there. You should get a book like "Everything you ever needed to know to be a Villain and more" or "The guide to being a Villain" or "Bad Guy Handbook". You're not following!
BAD GUY (V.O.)
Oh, come on, LADY! Just leave me alone! I'm trying to make an attempt on your life here!
MARETHA
Don't forget to give the hero a time to escape. I'll use this song to distract you!
Bad Guy runs into the living room and Maretha turns on "Cuppycake" by Strawberry Shortcake. Bad Guy put his hands to his ears and falls to the ground. Maretha runs away.
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Officer Carter
Well, you know she got kidnapped because she wasn't there when the car left and it is medically impossible for her to-
maretha
(A little crabby... well, really really REALLY Crabby. She's in a watch out mood.)
That's nice. Now CUT THE CRAP! Ask me the friggin questions so you can go and find her!
OFFICER CARTER
Ma'am, please calm down.
MARETHA
(so spazztic she is scaring the whole world and everybody in it!)
I AM PERFECTLY CALM!
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The Tombstones Walk At Midnight is comming soon to a Script Frenzy near you!
