I'm borrowing this from NaNo tradition. I'm surprised I got to start this thread.

Basically, it's letters. Letters to your muse(s); characters, and anything else you want to rant about.

Dear Bryony and Ed:

Stop giving me snippets of scenes, and tell me what the plot of the pilot episode is!!

That, or I'll give this script over to Elshana, and you two get to go on the back burner again.

Understood?

Dear Cery,

I'm sorry I made you such a cliche character. You know, with the whole werewolf thing and all the angst and the dead boyfriend who you can never forget.

Don't be too upset though, life is good for you at the moment!
Unfortunatly it's all going to get worse from here-on-in...
HAVE FUN! ^_^

Regards, The Author.

Ps. Sorry for giving you such a girly name.

Dear Kyte,

I apologise for having you killed off before the series even began. You'll be back though! Don't you worry your pretty little head off.

Regards, The Author.

PS. I love your name, by the way. What wonderful author thought that up?

PPS. By the way, did I mention that you're going to be narrating? No? Oh well, enjoy!

Dear random werewolf and random mate,

So, I'm going to be killing you off in the first episode. Just thought you should both know. It's your fault for going around killing people, so don't come crawling to me for help when you're stuck up in Hell or where ever you werewolves go these days.

Regards, The Author.

Dear MC whose name is still undecided,

WEREWOLVES! WEREWOLVES EVERYWHERE :O

That is all.

Regards, The Author.

Dear "The Author",

You're a sadistic jerk.

Regards, The Author.

Dear Briana,
Now would probably be a good time to apologize in advance for the emotional roller coaster you'll be starting out on. Don't worry though, we'll keep Tony's involvement to a minimum; he's a jerk anyways.

Dear Ethan,
As much as you may not like it, you might just end up falling in love before this is all said and done. It's not going to come easy though... just warning ya.

Dear Seth,
Congrats!! You have the awesome role of being friend & mentor to these kids for the next few years and probably even beyond. Good luck, you'll need that and all your sanity!

Dear Alex & Lisa,
Please, for the love of all that is sane, tell me what the heck you want me to do with your characters. Otherwise, I may have to turn you into the comedic best friends of the MCs with a love/hate relationship. Your choice...

Tony,
I'm only using you to get a back story on Briana's personal life... after that you're gone. Deal with it... jerk!

Day #:2 2 liters of cola killed: 1 cups of tea consumed: 1

Dear Evie,
I'm sorry things don't work out the way you plan. Partially, you know, it's your fault. I love you kid, but you don't know what you want. And I can see you rolling your eyes from here. Honestly, what did you expect?

Dear Troy,
I'm sorry I have to leave you where I do. I like to think there's a better future out there for you.

Dear Roger,
No, it really isn't as simple as it looks. Get used to it.

Dear Danny,
I'm sorry for the whole, having to kill you thing. I'm sorry you don't have more room and more time but really, it just isn't your story. ironic, isn't it?

Dear Symone,
I'm sorry your life sucks. I didn't mean to make that happen, you weren't even supposed to be that important. Not my fault your life is too damned interesting.

Dear Muse,
Please hold out for this. I'd like to win this year, and I really like the story this time.

Dear Nicole,
My advice? Read my autobiography. You're gonna need it. And even though you are gonna die, don't worry, you're gonna come back to life again. And you are gonna get the guy you love too.

Does that sound alright?

The Author.

P.S: Did I mention that your death is gonna be really painful? No? Well, I'm telling you now. Sorry, but it's the only way.

Dear Lewis,
You may not like her like that now, but you will when she's gone. She will come back though.

The Author

P.S: Feel free to improvise occasionally. After all, I can't control the life of the person you are based on...

Dear Jorge:

Congratulations on being selected as the main character of your very own interactive RPG! We know that you will have a fabulous time exploring the lands of Aberdeen, Naj-Kuc, Tesaca, etc. We also want you to know that we understand your unique financial situation and have provided means for you to cover your expenses for the duration of the experience. We have also taken steps to create a variety of guided tours that you may choose from to aid your journey in our lands.

If you need anything, you may speak to your local king or lord for assistance.

Congratulations again and have a great time!

Best of luck,
The Administration

P.S. The Administration disclaims all responsibility for any bodily injury, clingy girlfriends, bizarre transformations, or general suffering that may occur as part of the experience. Any consequence arising as a result of your actions shall be held as your responsibility and yours alone.

Dear Alana,

You're turning out much cooler than I expected. Keep up the bad attitude and sharp wit!

Love,

The Author

Dear Spencer,

I understand that you're all manly and don't like sharing your emotional issues. Yes, it is difficult, considering you've only known Alana for a few days. Can you at least tell ME? Seriously, that would make the story much easier. And I promise not to make you angst.

Love,

The Author

P.S. If you don't tell me, I may just have to torture you.

Dear Derek,

Are you in a conspiracy now? Seriously? Can you at least PRETEND that you're following the plan?

Love,

The Author

Dear Wind,

You're the wind. Why are you suddenly a character?

Love,

The Author

Dear Everyone Else,

Why are you all sadistic creepers? Knock it off!

Not that much love,

Me.

Dear Muse (who I shall call Caitlyn),

I kind of need you to stay around this month, okay? It's not that long, thirty days and thirty nights. We will survive together. You're amazing, babe, really you are, but I need you to deal with me for all of April, not just a few days and go frolicking off like you did with my last Screnzy idea.

Love,
Me.
*****
Dear Maisie,
Who the heck are you? Seriously? Your character is very annoying to get a grip on, and you don't seem to fall into any of the labels I need to place on you to write. I know what you will do, who you will meet, but not what you used to do and who you once were. Why are you the protagonist of this tale?
Seriously, why? None of these questions are rhetorical.

Confuzzled and hoping,
The Author.
*****
Dear Selena,
Keep on singing.

The Author
*****

Dear Grimm,

I just want to say sorry in advance for throwing you way out of your comfort zone. Oh, and for giving you a totally messed up puberty. Don't worry about what you feel for Pepper- that will all sort itself out eventually. And your parents do love you, you whiner.

Love, Arakni

Dear Pepper,

Thanks in advance for dealing with Grimm for so long. I know he can be a bit of pain, and attracts trouble like a magnet. And don't worry about your feelings for him- he'll figure everything out sooner or later (though probably later). Sorry to get you all mixed up in this!

Love, Arakni

.............. Screnzy '09- Grimm- WIN NaNo '09- The Celt and the Cowboy- 0/50k Also, you need to stop putting on airs about your job as a cop. You're really bad at it.

***
Dear Nick,

Hang in there. Your life is going to get a lot worse before it gets better. But it will get better.

***
Dear Deirdre,

Don't let them psych you out. You made the smart decision, even if you felt a little weird about it. People are just being jerks because they're threatened by a woman who stands up for herself.
Also, you have a great left hook. Use it.

***
Dear Blair,

She doesn't love you-- quit blaming other people for the fact you love someone who has free will. Also, violence is probably a bad plan for dealing with your problems. Also, you need to do something about your drinking.

Stand Back-- I'm a Marine Biologist!

Dear Patrick/Joel,
Stop being annoying and mysterious. Who are you?
And pick a name, dammit.
Love,
Moi

Dear Williams,
Are you a man or a woman?
Much love whatever you decide,
The Author

Dear Plot,
Develop. Now.
Love,
Me

Dear Sun-Hee,

You absolutely rock!
Even though you're the type of guy I've always hated.
Please, continue to screw up your life. It's really helping the plot.

Much love as always,
Your Creator

Dear Muse,
I love you. Don't leave. I beg you.
Me

***

Dear Inner-Editor,
Go away. Now.
kthnxbi

***

Dear Unnamed Gang,
Get a name, so I can put you in my story as the bad guys.
Your Creator

***

Dear Izzy,
You're awesome and all.
I love your whole personality.
I am sorry to inform you that you will die in the next 30 days.
Your Friend,
The Author

***

Dear Richard,
Why are you such an idiot?

Dear Muse,
Don't leave me again. Please?

**********

Dear Cassidy,
I'm just going to be a stereotypical sadistic author and make you go through the seven hells for the sake of my script. Just thought I'd let you know in advance. And don't worry, you'll have a happy ending. Well, sort of. Actually, I'm not sure what type of ending it is, but the Monster won't be after you anymore, mkay?

From, The Author

**********

Dear Monster,
Sorry about calling you Monster all this time, but I want to keep your identity secret from Cassidy. You know it would ruin everything if she found out. You're super awesome, by the way. I'd like to say that you're going to be the major Antagonist here, but you won't exactly be defeated in literal terms. I'm not sure if you get a happy or sad ending, but you won't end up dying.

From, The Author

**********

Dear Jacki and Zachary,
Sorry. You won't die, but I can't guarantee a happy ending.

From, The Author.

Icon by a_minor_third at LiveJournal

Dear Renée,
I am sorry I'm putting you through all this. First these losers invade your secret world, turns out they're special too. Then they go and think they can just leave? That breaks the barrier! Sorry I made them so stupid, but really, there would be no show if that didn't happen. And Liz. She's obnoxious, isn't she?
And I am dreadfully, horribly, terribly sorry about messing with your biological lineage. But it's so brilliant, so wonderful, so masterfully planned, that I couldn't leave the idea to rot in my mind. See, Harold's not a bad guy. Well, he does want to take over Penny Village, but he just does that for revenge because they took you away from him! Of course, you can't reconcile with Harold until the finale, because then who would be your and your teammates' archnemesis?
Sincerely,
The Author

Dear Sam,
Please stop talking.
You can't say that. This is a kids' show. We know you're a shapeshifter and we know you're Mister Smooth, but NO. No, no, no. You're braining my damage.
And at least save your clean lines for April. Some of them are golden. Well, not golden, per se, but so perfectly you. Just keep them in mind, 'kay?
Sincerely,
The Author

Dear Harold,
I apologize for taking away your wife and daughter.
But you are overreacting. Penny Village didn't do this to you. Twelve people and pregnancy complications did this to you. Pick off your jury, not four innocent teenagers, one of whom is, haha, your own daughter. You're already making her hate you. Just imagine what she'll do at sixteen.
Sincerely,
The Author

Dear Michael,
Gah. Buh. Spluh. Who are you?
I can't figure it out. Are you captain of the junior varsity football team? Are you Chess Club Captain? Are you a junior or a senior? Are you even Michael? What do you look like, how tall are you, what's your power, why does Harold not hate you?
Tell meeee. There are only two more days until the curtain, reveal yourself!
Sincerely,
The Author

Dear Muse,
You're an excellent band and I'm hard-pressed to find a blemish in your discography. I'm a long-time fa--
Wait, what? NO!
Dear My Muse,
Thank you thank you thank you for giving me that burst of genius. Making Harold Renée's father... torture on Renée, but golden for the plot. Exciting, gripping, and challenging to the audience's minds. Challenging to me, even, trying to avoid the line, "Renée, I am your father!"
But please don't stop there! We haven't even started writing yet! Stick with me, please?
Sincerely,
The Author

Dear The Author,
Get. Some. Sleep.
It's five-thirty in the morning. I know, watching cartoons can be classified as "research," but sleep is vital. And you're not going to be getting much in the next month, so relish it while you can and stock up on the caffeinated drinks. And I know, 4AM caffeinated writing comes up with some true plot gems, but more often it leads to holes, nonsense, and more assorted weirdness.
So quit watching Danny Phantom and get to bed. Go on, do it. Seriously. Leave your nostalgia on the bedside table, put your head on the pillow, close your eyes, and go to sleep.
Sincerely,
The Author
PS: Stop writing letters to yourself, you schizophrenic weirdo. Sheesh.

Dear MC, MC's Uncle, MC's Parents, Killer, and Killer's Girlfriend,

What are your NAMES?

Dear Shay,

Please, would you stop your complaining? For years, you've nagged me to write you into a story, and now that I have you hate it? Make up your mind, please!

Dear Melvin,

I'm sorry that the world thinks your crazy, but it's ok. I talk to my characters too, so having one of my characters talk to his characters is normal.
And, I'm sorry about the gnomes.... My mother thought it would be cute if we were both afraid of them. It was the only way to get her off my back about Screnzy.
Hope you like Auburn!

Dear Rosie & Fredie,

Could you please make up your minds who has the evil mother who hates Melvin? It's getting confusing, because who has the evil mother decides who gets beat up. Please, figure it out or else I'm getting out the outcome dice.

Dear Dr. Calgori,
I'm very sorry that I've got you doing such a mundane task as setting off threatening fireworks. If I could figure out what else I could do to get you into the pilot episode, you'd definitely be doing that. And no, you can't blow up a building. Yes, I know that would be cool, but I just watched V for Vendetta. Yes, V stole your idea. Go think of something better. (on the upside, V is dead, so if you beat him, you've beaten him for good)
~your author
P.S. would something with poison be better? :]

Dear Cinzia,
Please tell me what's wrong with you! You used to be this totally messed up character with a heartbreaking song, except I didn't know what to do with you. Now you have a part to play... but it's a rather large and awesome part, and now you don't have enough issues. Not that I want you to have a nervous breakdown (oh, goodness, please don't... I don't think I could handle it two days before screnzy), but talk to me, okay? thanks
~your author.

Dear Jethero's pilot,
I would really like to address this letter more personally, but unfortunately, I don't know your name. Which, you know, would kind of be nice to know. If you don't mind. Thank you, I look forward to hearing from you.
~your author.

to all other characters:
if you get upset over not getting a personal letter, there is something wrong with you and I shall have to have you beaten up in the Pilot episode. Thank you for your cooperation. =]

Dear Melanie,
You're a lovely muse. Really. I enjoy your company very much, so stay with me this April (and beyond, if you have the time). I really don't care about the quality of the ideas you whisper to me, be they cliched or brilliant, as long as you keep them coming!

Dear Gregory,
Sorry for all the cliche. Your issues with your father and your absent mother? Yeah. My bad. I'm too lazy to make your character less cringe-worthy, though. I kinda like you how you are.

Dear Laurence,
I'm pretty excited to be writing your very first friendship. You're a nice kid, I'm sorry it came so late in your life. And so close to your death.

Dear Kaitlynn/Rosie,
I know I'm kind of mean to you when you're Kaitlynn, but let's be honest--you're extremely annoying. Acting dumb isn't cool or amusing. Once you realize that and make your transition to Rosie, I like you a lot. Sorry about Laurence's death, but if it's any consolation you're the only character who will make it to the (assuming I finish this first) sequel.

Dear Zack,
Yeah. I don't like you very much. But while Laurence and Gregory are persuing their bromance, somebody's gotta bring the drama. So, I encourage you to get jealous, start fights, make an ass of yourself and eventually get munched by Laurence Zombie.

Much love to all,
The Author

Dear Luke,

I absolutely love your full name: Luciano Konstantinov, totally awesome. Sorry if I sometimes make you sound or act super gay. You're only supposed to look pretty girly...not act girly. I gotta work on making you a little more spunky, boyish, teenager-like. Remind me that you have an attitude, m'kay?

Much super fantastic love,
The Author

------------------------------------

Hey Johnny boy,

Stop being such a jerk! No, I'm just kidding. Keep doing it, I love it. Now if you would stop being a reincarnation of John Constantine! I know, I know, a lot of the story is like Constantine and it's not your fault but...I'm blaming you regardless! Now go watch some porn, gamble, drink and smoke excessively, and be the badass undead cubicle worker you are!

From,
Your super sexy author.

P.S.
Yes, I did call you 'Johnny boy' to piss you off.' ;)

Dear Jillian,

I know. I created you. I got you all geared up. I told you that you'd be the only thing in my thoughts for an entire month. I am SO sorry about this morning, how this new idea completely trumped yours. You are still one of the most awesome characters I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. And I still love your plotworld. I plan on following through with it later. How about NaNo '09, 'kay? You might work better as a novel, who knows?

Much love,
The Author

Dear _______,

You're a reclusive, late 20's guy with massive werewolf angst. You're adorable, you're a perfect main character. NAME YOURSELF ALREADY. I don't care anymore, if you want to be named something like Egbert or whatever, go ahead. But I can't keep calling you Jacob. After how famous Twilight got? Another werewolf Jake would be a bad idea, sorry darling.

Hugs,
The Author
P.S. Sorry your life has been total crap up until this point. But the plot! It needs your pain! And I'll try my best to give you some sort of happy ending, promise. *bites lip*

Dear Muse,

You're wonderful. I need you around here. I will give you cookies if you hang around all April. But...did you have to drop in this morning? Not that I mind, but Jillian's a little upset. Would you mind talking to her?

Humbly,
The Author

Dear Linda,
You're my main character, and yet you represent just about everything I hate about teenagers. The only thing I'll be able to stand about writing you will be knowing you're going to grow as a character. Oh, and I'm making your love interest asexual so you won't get far. Not until he is 30 and his mating cycle starts, anyway. Ner ner!

-Natnie

Donate & get your own shiny halo!

Dear Muse,

Please don't get my ass up at 4am like you did with NaNo '08. I would greatly appreciate it.

Love always,

Panda

Dear Max,

The more I get to know you, the more of a conniving bastard you become. I hope you don't get too crazy when you discover that you're pretty much a minor god. And please don't kill anyone once you all get to Arkhasia.

~ your Author

Dear Amber,
We're going to have a lot of fun in April, did you know that? And that's because I can relate to you. And your bitterness. Wait, no, I take that back. You won't be having as much fun as I will, because you'll be fighting with Clark. You don't know who that is yet, and that's okay. You'll meet him on the train, and he'll annoy you to death because of...oops. You'll have to wait and find out. Anyway, I will have fun. You might not. But to make up for Clark, there's Elton, who you'll like, I promise. And maybe he'll even convince you...you don't think you can be convinced? Hmm. We'll see, I suppose.
All right then, see you on Wednesday. Hope you can survive in the Old Place until then; you'll be going back to Larin soon!
~The Author

Dear Clark,
Hello! Nice to meet you. I'm going to do my best to add in your nicer attributes -- your intelligence, how you like to read and discuss literature and history -- but it's hard, because I am on Melissa's side of the argument. Yes, you heard me right. And Eli's side. But don't mention too much about Eli on the train, okay, because there just isn't time for you to explain Eli and Melissa. Of course there will be someone to explain it to, silly, there'll be two others on the train! Amber and Elton. Amber won't like you much, but Elton likes almost everyone. But really, you should let Melissa be a statistician if that's what she wants to do. But no. Maybe arriving in the New Place will change your mind? You think not? You characters never think I'm right. *sighs and shakes head* Ah well. See you on Wednesday.
~The Author

Dear Elton,
Good afternoon, Elton! How are you? Mmm...is that jambalaya I smell? May I have some? Oh, wait, this is supposed to be a letter. Hmm. Anyway, I think you'll figure things out on the train ride. You'll be with a couple of people who will help you do that -- Amber and Clark. And I'll let you in on a secret, though it might not be secret for long: Amber is actually from the New Place. She calls it Larin. Yup. But don't tell Clark, and act like you don't know until she tells you.
Just make sure you have enough money for two train tickets, okay? No, you won't be taking anyone, but just...be prepared, okay? Trust me here.
Can't wait until Wednesday!
~The Author.

Dear Dallas,

Please be more kick ass and opinionated. You've got a radio for christ's sake.

- Love your Author

Dear Bryan

Please can you choose another name? I hate the name Bryan. Also, you're gonna be 42, not 58. Hope that's cool.

I'm so sorry for what I'm about to put you through, but I created you out of everything I'd like to be. Also. I'm in love with you. Once this ordeal is over, do you want to go out for a coffee? It's...not a date or anything. Just hanging out as friends.

- Major love, your Author.

Dear Alyssa/Alanna

CHOOSE A NAME! AHHHH.

- Rage.

Dear Muse

I know you can be fickle, and that you can drop me for months on end while you go look for other places to play.

I am grateful that you're here with me now. I am. Truly.

It was great the way you helped sort out the plotline of the munchkin's YWP Screnzy idea and I love that you've been whispering softly to me for the past couple of weeks.

But, Muse, it's April now. Screnzy has started. I promise you can resume writing fanfic in May. For now, can you give me 100 pages worth of material about a bunch of ghosts trying to save a soul?

kaithanxbai
~~~~xxx~~~~

Dear Libby,

Thank you for revealing your name so timely yesterday. I was beginning to be afraid my script was going to have underlines where names were supposed to be. Oh, and thank you for telling me you children's names as well.

I'm sorry for the pain your going to go through when you lose your daugher, Emma Kate, but it really is necessary. Just trust me and I'll see that everything ends all right.

Trust your instincts. Don't second guess yourself. You have great insight, that's why you were so good at your job in the first place.

I truly hope these next 30 days won't be too painful for you.

Gratefully,
Your Author

Dear Kevin,

I just want to let you know that you're doing a great job! Keep it up. Don't worry, this will all be over soon enough.

Sincerely,
Your Author

Dear Sarah,

Don't blame yourself for what happened. In order to save all the others, Emma Kate had to be lost. You only have 29 days to go. You'll survive. I promise.

Hugs,
Your Author

Dear Rick,

I really hope your artistic side will help me find a personality for you. I know, already 3 scenes and I have no idea what you look/act like but, hey, what are actors for? :)

Dear Ayan,

I have no idea WHY you keep popping up in my head and in my script. You were in my NOVEL, and it's finished, remember? Anyway, I could use a second muse if you're available.

Dear other characters,

Those of you who exist, believe me, life couldn't be better for you. As for the other characters that I'm constantly making up in class, :( just pray that I will remember you long enough to put you in the script.

Every character,

You'd better have kick-ass dialogues between you while I'm doing something else, and I'd better have a good idea of who you are between April ends!

Whith despair, love, and other writer-ish feelings,
Me.

Dear Seth,
Keep on being awesome, but stop insisting upon completely shattering the fourth wall. Also, when did you become a narrator?
-Me.

Dear Mairin: You intrigue me. I haven't discovered your personal faults yet. This is bad. You will NOT sneak in as a Mary Sue; if you do not develop some endearing, yet trouble-causing faults, I will invent some for you. Fear and tremble, O main character.

--Your Inventor