I know for most of use these are gonna be really rough grammar mistake playgrounds full of all kinds of plotholes and goofs but was wondering if anyone wanted to share little excerpts (esp since the stupid opt to do via our bios isn't working. Grrrrr...)

Any way not sure how many others out there might want to share. I've been posting mine on my Dieviant Art page in hopes of attracting an artist (since I can't really draw - unless you count stick figures :D )

Yes! An excerpt:
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The Ferryman

Page One

Three panels, each one across the entire width of the page and a third of the page in length.

First Panel (Top)

Two men stand on either side of a field that takes up the width of the page, they are well-defined. Between them (and back from them) is a crowd of people, all silhouettes apart from one in the centre holding up a white handkerchief.

The man on the far right is well dressed in lace and rich mid-19th century style. The man on the far left is dressed in far more meagre clothing. Both of them are loading pistols. The man in the centre is dressed well, but not as extravagantly as the man on the right.

At the bottom of the panel is a block of narrative text.

NARRATION :
Alain de Gilles is the best pistol duellist in France. He has killed ten men and maimed several others. His opponent is a foolish, penniless young man who dared to insult Alain while drunk on cheap red wine.

Second Panel (Middle)

As the first panel but the men with the pistols are aiming them at each other.

Again, at the bottom of the panel is a block of narrative text.

NARRATION:
Pistol duelling is an art that not only requires a steady hand and a keen eye, it requires fastidious attention to detail. One mistake in the loading and cocking of a pistol and it will not fire. There is also an element of luck, but Alain is so accomplished that luck is virtually unimportant to him.

Third Panel (Bottom)

As the second panel except that the man in the centre has dropped the handkerchief and smoke is coming from the left-hand-side man’s pistol.

SFX : 'click' from the right-hand side, 'bang' from the left-hand side.

NARRATION:
Virtually.
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Since the option to do so via our bios removes all formatting (ARGH!) I just used that for a plot summary. This is the excerpt I orginally posted there and then scrapped because of the aforementioned tomfoolery.

This is the first page of my script in which one of the main characters dies.

I know it isn't formatted as they suggest in the comics section but, as someone else said on another thread, there is no industry standard for comic-book formatting and I'll do it my own way until there is!

I really like it so far. Good job. I read your description on one of the other threads and it sounds really cool. Neat that you kill one of the characters off right way. I just beat one of my MC's up really bad in the first page. :D

And yeah I hate that it doesn't actually let you post an excerpt without being stupid and making it all one useless block of text. *sigh* oh well.

Here's the first page of mine tho I admit it's rather rough at the moment still getting used to scripts again it's been over a year for me and well this is my first one for a GN.

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The Guardians

Page 1

Panel 1

It's night (possibly raining) the scene is down looking down into an alley from atop of a building. The alley is strewn with old crates, dumpsters and the like. Very dark, gritty and foreboding. Below there are two figures that can barely be made out. One is taking a swing at the other.

Panel 2

Close up of a masked man's (PINPOINT) face bloody and mid way through being spun around by a punch. Pinpoint is in his early to mid thirties. He's wearing a mask that covers most of his face, leaving his mouth and chin exposed as well as his hair uncovered for the most part. his face is covered in stubble and a scar across his lips. Like someone at some point split them both open pretty wide. His costume is a dark navy blue color and white. His mask is the same dark blue color. The white is just for trim. At the moment he looks like he has seen much better days. In this panel we can make out just a few details of his upper body and his face of course is the main focus. Should just barely be able to make out an empty quiver on his back. May be able to make the emblem on his chest a bit here too. It looks like a targeting scope.

PINPOINT
(thought or caption)
This used to be easier...

Panel 3

Little wider picture where we can see the figure that is doing the pummeling. DONNIE KNUCKLES This is the opponent, he looks like a reject from the hell's angels. Big, thick, leather jacket and a menacing stance. His fist is nearly the size of Pinpoints head. Not the kind of guy anyone would want to meet alone in a dark alley... of course that's exactly what happened to Pinpoint. Donnie grapples pinpoint palming his head.

PINPOINT
(thought or caption)
This used to be fun...

Panel 4

Donnie flings pinpoint across the alley into a dumpster or possibly the brick wall of one of the buildings.

Panel 5

Pinpoint laying in a heap on the ground. This panel should show more of his costume and it's very tattered, dirty and messed up in general. Also you can see that he is wearing a utility belt. Also show his bow laying on the ground somewhere nearby and it's broken in half. I know this is bringing the reader half way into the fight and they may feel confused at first but there is a reason. The fight itself is not the focus but rather the outcome and showing that Pinpoint is having a clearly bad day.

PINPOINT
(thought or caption)
This used to not hurt so much...

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I actually have the rest of what I have done so far on my Deviant Art Gallery. Mostly so all the people that watch me don't start thinking I died or something this month. LOL
http://exangel42.deviantart.com/gallery/#The-Guardians-Graphic-Novel-Art...

Lol, I have to kill him on the first page since he's the guy that shoots the ferryman. Can't very well meet the ferryman unless you are dead (or a Greek demi-god, they got away with it sometimes).

Your's is good stuff.

Some (very, very minor) criticisms:
I'd include how many panels there are and how they should be arranged at the top of the page. I know it doesn't say to in Scriptfrenzy's advice but it is how I've seen it done on other sites about writing for comics and it makes sense to do so to me.

I don't think that the justification "I know this is bringing the reader half way into the fight and they may feel confused at first but there is a reason." is necessary at all. This is a compliment, you haven't made it too confusing despite coming in half-way into the action and you wouldn't want to suggest to an editor that it might be for some people - it isn't, it's well-written enough to avoid that.

That's all. Now comes the question why am I crtiqueing other people's work when I should be writing my own? Oh, procrastination, my longest standing companion and greatest enemy...

Okay...

INT LINDA'S BEDROOM, MORNING
Front-on close up of LINDA'S mother EVELYN CLEARY, from the shoulders up. She is glancing forward and down, since she is standing in LINDA'S bedroom doorway. She wears a navy blue skivvy and her long salt-and-pepper hair is tied into a long, flowing ponytail. Her face is weary from age, but her expression is playful.

EVELYN
Wakey wakey, Linda! You have half an hour until the bus comes.

Side view of LINDA lying in bed, facing away from the window, her hand buried beneath her pillow as though she were clinging desperately to her final minutes of sleep. She glances toward her mother groggily, an irritable expression written on her face. She looks tired, as if she was up late last night. Sunlight streams through the window; it is apparent that it is currently morning. LINDA'S hair is all around her face like a mane, a clear indication of a restless night. She wears a baby yellow long sleeved nightgown with tiny white spots. Her blanket and pillowcase are uniform in colour; both a deep maroon.
The purple and black striped curtains on the window are carried inward by the breeze through the open window.

LINDA
Urgh... five more minutes!

EVELYN continues to stand in the doorway. This shot is wider than the last; we can see the top half of the door frame and the door swung inside the bedroom. EVELYN leans on the right side of the door frame. She points down at LINDA with an unimpressed expression.

EVELYN
No! Don't make me sing The Wake-up Song, young lady!

Close up of LINDA, nearly identical to Panel 2 but "zoomed in".
LINDA'S expression now is that of horror at the idea of the Wake-up Song.

LINDA
Oh dear god, no! You wouldn't!

Full-width panel.
Close up of EVELYN, with eyes closed and singing with an amused expression. She is to the left of the panel, arm outstretched. Behind her is LINDA'S bedroom door.

EVELYN
It's time to rise and shi-i-ine!
And get right out of be-e-ed!

LINDA
(Off-panel)
Nooo! Okay, I'm getting up!

Thanks for the tips. This is kind of my first attempt at anything like this.

I wasn't sure about describing the panel layout. Mostly cause if I can get my friend Steve to draw it I would trust his judgement. I'm no artist so I would really trust someone doing the art to make it look good and layout it out as needed. There would only be a few exceptions when I have a clear image of this should be a half page or this should be a large panel. But mostly as long as it looks good I'd be happy.

And you're right I really didn't need that part. But I'm just typing everything in my head right now. Mostly so I don't forget anything. But I will fix it later when I edit.

I do like your story concept a lot. The whole thing sounds neat. Plus it's kind of fun to throw the readers a bit and have them think ok he's dead then it turns out he's actually a big part of the story. It's fun to do.

That is kind of cute Natnie. Wondering about what the comic is about now too. :D

I've got my script on Celtx Project Central.

http://pc.celtx.com/project/P45N9009d0MN

I bookmarked it vnflcards. Gonna try to read it sometime when the hubby is home, no time to otherwise. Heck I'm lucky to be able to write with the kids running around like crazy people. LOL (three toddler - all I have to say). But I am so gonna check that out this weekend.

And I didn't even think of posting mine there... very cool that you can... so now I am too... see what you started :D LOL

Well, this is my favorite page I've written so far. I've never really written a comic script before, but from what I understand, it really depends on the writer. I'm completely ignoring SFX in this draft unless it's important, for example.

Anyway.

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PANEL 1 It is a sidewalk, and David Daniels has latched himself onto a leg (Quote's leg, though that is all you can see of her).

DAVID DANIELS

Please! Honey! Sweetie! Little one!

DAVID DANIELS

Please stop! I don't know what I'd do without you... please!

PANEL 2: Still being dragged, with a little bit more of the situation visible. Including the shocked expression of a dog.

DAVID DANIELS

I'm sorry! That's what I built you for! I'm sorry if you don't like it! I don't even know how you managed to get independent programing anyway...

QUOTE

It's all for nothing if you don't have any freedom.

DAVID DANIELS

What does that even mean...?

PANEL 3: This covers most of the page. Here we have Quote in all her tall, impressive robotic glory. She was built to look like a supermodel or perhaps an anime character - a very idealized form, but still very robotic. David Daniels is hanging on to her leg for the life of him while shocked bystanders are staring.

DAVID DANIELS

I don't understand! What is with this huge obsession with Freedom!? Is it something wrong with your programming?

(Huge lettering)

I ONLY BUILT YOU FOR PORN!

QUOTE

Go back to England and tell them there that Scotland's daughters and her sons are yours no more. Tell them Scotland is free.

DAVID DANIELS

...When did you download Braveheart?

Here's one from mine, during a hectic action sequence (sorry if it's too long :\):
____
2ND STREET
They’re 3/4ths of the way down now, furtively walking along the side, not wanting to be noticed.

BANG! BANG!

The loyalists are advancing again, the slaughter starts again. You can tell that the rebels are outnumbered here. The soldiers on this street bolt. CRASH! The bottle of gin drops in a terrified momentary loss of coordination. Adrenaline takes over, and the alcohol stains the street corner, ignored.

FRITZ:
Oh, dammit… the mob. Run.

They both take off down the street. It starts drizzling. The mob is in sight now.

FRITZ:
They’re going to catch up with us. We can’t run forever.

Fritz spots a door swinging open, the SHOP. Abandoned.
He grabs Damon. Damon says nothing, breathless, as both walk into the shop.

INT. - THE SHOP

Quickly, but with care, Damon brings the door to a close gently.
The shop. It’s filled with wooden figures, carefully carved by a past resident, as well as knick knacks gathered from ancient rubble. The pair crouch and look out a crack between the boards on the window. The figurines stare down at them.

THROUGH THE WINDOW.
The rain has picked up. People are running through now, as well as rebel soldiers, fleeing for their lives as the mob, bringing death to all in its way, moves forward. A woman slips. A horse passes by the corner, the rider on top armed with a decorative sword. He’s dropped his gun. The rider takes a clumsy swing at a runner, but misses. A rebel turns around in mid sprint, fires. The horse collapses.
The mob is like a living organism by now, swallowing people up, and trampling them. Insanity.

Okay... here's my opening.

THE URCHIN – VOLUME ONE, ISSUE ONE

PAGE ONE, PANEL ONE (SPLASH)
We see EVANGELINE, a fourteen-year-old street waif, running, terrified, through the night-time streets of Hope City. She is dressed in layers of ill-fitting, raggedy clothing. The city streets are urban decay as imagined by Bosch. It isn't Hell, but you can see it from here. There is a lot of clutter on the ground, typical bad back-alley type stuff. We can't see her pursuer. Leave room for title, credits, etc.

TITLE: INITIUM

CAPTION: Ohcrap...ohcrap...ohcrap

PAGE TWO, PANEL ONE
Evangeline takes a turn down a side alley. We see this from the pursuers POV

CAPTION: This isn't right. That... thing... why's it after ME? What did I ever do to anyone?

PAGE TWO, PANEL TWO
Evangeline ducks behind a dumpster, obscuring herself in its shadow.

CAPTION: Okay... gotta calm down. Deep breaths, calm down... think, 'Ange, think!

PAGE TWO, PANEL THREE
Evangeline is still behind the dumpster.

CAPTION: Some shadow-thing is chasing me. Right...

PAGE TWO, PANEL FOUR
Evangeline takes off again, at a dead run again.

CAPTION: ...time to go. Gotta get to the church.

PAGE TWO, PANEL FIVE
Evangeline is still running, and trips on a bit of litter.

CAPTION: Oh... CRAP! NONONO!

I dig it.

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Page 17

SETTING: Glory's house. Night time. The family has gone to bed and all the lights are off.

PANEL ONE: Glory shyly taking off his shoes, hunched over and looking down, front shot. He balances himself on the side of a door.

PANEL TWO: At the top of the staircase, long shot. We see some of portraits on the stairwell, and Glory is at the top of it with one hand on the wall. He is looking to the left, wondering if anyone is awake.

SETTING: GLORY’S room. It’s very clean, with very little in it. A bed sits in the corner farthest from the door. A bedside table next to his bed has a lamp and some CD cases. Lots of books, notebooks, and binders are on his desk and night stand. It’s all very organized. Dark. Only the lamp on his bed is on. A book case is on the wall perpendicular to the door, facing the bed. Nothing on his walls. No pictures on any surfaces.

PANEL THREE: Glory on his bed, hands outstretched to the ceiling, looking upward. Birdseye view. He looks blank.

PANEL FOUR: Glory rolled onto his side, looking a bit frustrated, holding onto his arm which his head it rested on.

Page 18

PANEL ONE: Glory's back facing the camera, over his shoulder we see his bedside table with a lamp on while the rest of his room is dark. The light is shining on a pair of scissors, arms open, sitting on top of a copy of The Drunken Boat. Foreboding.

PANEL TWO: Glory reaching for the scissors, still on his side. Looks similar to P16 PNL3. The light of the lamp illuminates the feature of the room harshly and dramatically.

PANEL THREE: Glory, moved over on his back again, propping himself up on his elbows behind him. A little shocked.

MOTHER
Glory . . .

PANEL FOUR: Glory's mother standing in his doorway. Her arms are crossed, and she's looks tired, angry, and distraught. She wears a robe down to her ankles and fuzzy slippers. Her hair is up in a bun, and the lines are her face are strong and make her look very old. A light is on behind her, causing dark shadows under her eyes, cheeks, and collar bone.

Finally finished my first 20 page issue.

It needs some editing but it's ok for now.

http://pc.celtx.com/project/P45N9009d0MN