Please help!!!

Mine's about a girl named Patricia (Patti for short) who is in love with this guy Kevin. Kevin's mom's job relocates but Kevin is at the time committed to making this work. They only moved over a few towns anyway. Then we flash in to nine months later and Kevin and Patti have been dating for ten months now and Kevin has started to move past. So he is going to break up with her, but shortly before he is in a bad car accident. He is put in a coma and Patti into hysterics. She come and visits every day after school and talks to him. She's always crying and unresponsive (typical). Then she finds a message between Kevin and Carter (his best friend) talking about breaking up with her. Once Kevin comes out of the coma though he has amnesia and doesn't remember who Patti is! Or anyone else for that matter. So Patti has to help Kevin remember her. I'm not sure yet if I'm gonna make him come out and remember her and love her or break up with her still (a real heart breaker, but I like drama =D )

What do you guys think of it? I'm still unsure. Please free to critique... I'm looking for someone who knows what their doing 'cause I don't!

If you want to read what little bit I have done ask and I'll give you the site it's on.

This sounds like a solid starting point.
I think you need to decide on your ending (whether he remembers and breaks up with her or not).

You could also go into her guilt at having him stay with her when she knows he wanted to break up, especially if she tells him that she is his lover and not that there was something wrong with their relationship. Or maybe confront the friend (i assumed he would be there if they were close since it was an accident. Maybe the friend tells him something different?)

Anyway. Just ideas to see if I can help. Take or leave, but don't go crazy, its about the fun you have getting there and getting crazy over it will make it a worse piece than if you were having fun.

Good luck.

Good drama.

How does Patti feel about Kevin after she finds the message about breaking up? Why does she still want to help him? Does she want get back with him? Maybe she feels she can if she is the one to help him remember. What if Kevin's mother (not knowing about the break-up) asks Patti for help? Is there another girl in Kevin's life? Does she still want to be involved? There could be a tug of love between them. Is there someone else in love with Patti who wants to get her away from Kevin?

You could have another angle as well. Who else was involved in the car accident? Who caused it? Was it Kevin's fault? Are the police waiting for him to come out of the coma?

Just some thoughts.

Regards

Stephen