int. mama's pasta's. early evening.

Inside, Mama's Pasta's is a mid-range Italian eatery. The decor is classy: wine bottles, brass railings, wood paneling, and murals of Italian villages.

Indeed, everything looks like a typical mid-range Italian eatery, except that each table is set in the middle with a propane range.

There are two customers in the restaurant, a middle-aged couple on a date. They have wine classes, but it seems the food has not yet been served. They make eyes at each other over the table's setting--their propane range is topped with a pot, lightly steaming.

The two or three members of the wait staff here are dressed crisply in black-and-white uniforms, as is the MAITRE'D, a young, handsome man with dark hair that has been slicked back with mousse.

The maitre'd greets the brothers as they enter.

maitre'd

Good evening. Welcome to Mama's Pasta's.

STEPHEN

. . .sic.

JAY

Hi. Two please.

MAITRE'D

Follow me.

The maitre'd leads them to a small table. They take their seats.

MAITRE'D

The special tonight is our spaghetti bolognese. Kristie will be your server. Please enjoy your meal.

JAY

Thank you.

STEPHEN

Thanks.

The maitre'd leaves them and is quickly replaced with KRISTIE, a member of the wait staff. She is crisply professional and in her thirties.

KRISTIE

My name is Kristie. It'll be my pleasure to serve you gentlemen this evening. Have you had a look at our wine list?

JAY

No thank you, Kristie. I'll have a water with lemon, please.

STEPHEN

I'll take the same.

KRISTIE

Certainly.

Kristie departs.

The audio fades out and we get Jay's VOICE OVER as we watch the brothers settle in. They adjust their chairs, put their napkins in their laps, and look at each other with faces as if to say "well this isn't so bad!"

JAY (V.O.)

Our first impressions of Mama's Pasta's were good. It seemed a pleasant, mid-range Italian eatery. Even Stephen seemed close to forgiving the gratuitous apostrophe. But things quickly turned for the worse.

We have audio from the scene again.

Kristie returns with the waters and serves them.

KRISTIE

There you are.

JAY

Thank you, Kristie. When you have a chance, could you bring us two menus?

KRISTIE

(chuckles)

We don't have menus here at Mama's Pasta's.

A few things happen while Kristie explains how Mama's Pasta's works.

First, Kristie turns the gas on the range on, and then lights it with a long, thin fireplace lighter.

As if that was their cue, two bus boys--young, strong, and professional--flank Kristie.

One carries a big pot of water, which he sets on the lit range, and then retreats.

The other carries a large tray strapped to his shoulders like you might see a vendor at a stadium wear. Inside this tray are containers filled with varieties of raw, dried pasta: spaghetti, capellini, rotini, linguini, penne etc. . .

KRISTIE (CONT'D)

Here at Mama's Pasta's, we take the fun of being an Italian chef out of the kitchen and bring it right to the table! Tonight, the two of you get to decide on which of our pastas you'd like to enjoy.

She begins to list the pastas, indicating each as she goes down the list. Jay and Stephen give each other incredulous looks.

fade out audio

fade out video

montage: do-it-yourself dining

Here's a brief history of do-it-yourself dining, presented with still images and Jay's VOICE OVER. The images go in this sequence: an early 20th century image of a mother laboring over a hot stove; a group eating at a restaurant at the beginning of the 20th century; cooks in a kitchen, also from the beginning of the 20th century; a teppen-yaki propane grill; a Benihana cook wowing a crowded teppen-yaki table in the 60's; an intimate group of diners conversing around a fondue pot at a restaurant in the 70's; diners cooking their food at a modern Korean barbeque establishment; diners lined up watching their food cook at a modern Mongolian barbeque restaurant.

JAY (V.O.)

In America, diners have sought to escape the toil of food preparation by eating out at restaurants, leaving the heat and bother to professional cooks in the kitchen.

That all changed in 1964 when propane grill technology allowed the chain of Benihana restaurants to wow diners with the skill employed by Japanese chefs.

It was not long until the chef was taken out of the equation altogether, and do-it-yourself dining was invented, letting diners experience the exotic food preparation techniques of Switzerland, Korea, and the lands where Mongolians come from first-hand.

INT. MAMA'S PASTA'S. DAY.

We're back where we left off. Kristie is wrapping up her litany of pastas. The pot is now boiling.

JAY (V.O. CONT'D)

What Stephen and I witnessed at Mama's Pasta's was merely the extension of this thinking into Italian cuisine.

The audio comes back up.

KRISTIE

So what do you gentlemen feel like having tonight?

JAY

Um. . .

STEPHEN

Penne sounds good.

KRISTIE

Excellent choice!

Kristie produces a small scale from the vendor tray, a dish, and a scoop. She places the scale on the table, the dish on the scale, and scoops dry penne from the tray into the dish on the scale until she's satisfied with the reading. It's all very professional.

KRISTIE (CONT'D)

(reciting)

Penne gets its name from the fact that it's pointed and hollow, like a quill pen, the Italian word for which was 'penna', meaning 'wing'.

STEPHEN

You learn a little something each and every day.

Kristie pours the pasta from the dish into the boiling pot.

Kristie replaces the scale, dish, and scoop into the tray. She then removes a wooden spoon and an egg timer from the tray, and nods to the bus boy. The bus boy nods back and returns to whence he came. Again, all very professional.

KRISTIE

(reciting)

At Mama's Pasta's, we recommend that you cook your pasta until it is al dente, an Italian phrase which means 'to the teeth'. Al dente pasta will not be dry, but will still give some resistance when you chew--so it has a nice bite to it! For our penne, we recommend that you cook it six to eight minutes at a rolling boil.

Here, Kristie sets the egg timer for six minutes.

KRISTIE (CONT'D)

(reciting)

I've set your egg timer for six minutes, which is when you can test it to see if it's al dente!

Kristie then removes the salt shaker from the table.

KRISTIE (CONT'D)

(still reciting)

It's a good idea to season your pasta while it is boiling, as it will be harder to do evenly once it is on your plate. Season to taste, but we recommend one, two, three

Here she demonstrates with pantomime shaking the salt shaker three times with each count.

KRISTIE (CONT'D)

shakes of the shaker for pasta for two. Now, we feel it's best if only one person be in charge of cooking, seasoning, and stirring the pasta. Here at Mama's Pasta's, call that person 'the Mama'. Which of you would like to be Mama tonight?

STEPHEN

(surprisingly eagerly)

I will!

KRISTIE

(practiced laugh)

Great! Here you are, 'Mama'!

She hands Stephen the spoon. He holds it proudly, then a little embarrassed when he notices Jay glaring at him.

KRISTIE (CONT'D)

You each get to choose your own sauce. Tonight we have alfredo, marinara, green pesto with pine nuts, and a bolognese--which is my personal favorite!

STEPHEN

Pushing the bolognese tonight, huh? I'll take it.

JAY

I'm a sucker for pesto.

KRISTIE

Great. I'll be right back with your sauce.

Kristie leaves for the kitchen.

JAY

Do we have to cook the sauces, too?

Stephen shakes the shaker into the pot three times.

STEPHEN

One! Two! Three!

JAY

Don't be ridiculous.

STEPHEN

(wielding the spoon threateningly)

Shut yo' damn mouth, boy! You don't sass yo' mama like that!