How does this story sound?

TimmyVilgiate

108 pages

Posted
avril 18, 2008 - 8:02pm

How does this story sound?

I thought of this idea just tonight. Here's a synopsis. How does it sound?

The setting takes place in a “quaint” village, where a nuclear disaster occurred many years before any villagers moved in. However, none of the villagers are aware of this. The true power is actually held by one individual, where a fear instilled by spies, “monsters”, and the mysterious ‘Collector’ are all that controls the village. The people work doing tasks for a reason they are not told. Eg. Someone is in charge of baking bread, obviously a good chef. But, this food is rolled off in carts and left alone for no reason, while the people have nothing to eat but very meager rations. However, they are told not to critique the society, and simply to do the work prescribed to them. A child is born to this village, and is found to be deformed. Thus, he is taken from his home and put into a work camp as soon as he can walk. He is in charge of drawing water from the well. He does not know anything else, until a body with a book in it’s coat washes up on the shore. He takes the book, even though he doesn’t know how to read. He brings it to an old woman who knows something of what the words mean. They find it to be a journal. It describes a strange world to him. Next day when he goes out, he begins to question the reason all of the things in the village are happening. At the end of the day, he brings in the book again to finish reading, but the old woman is gone. Her house is gone, taken apart brick by brick. He looks all around town for her, but no one seems to acknowledge her existence, or that a house was ever even there. The story goes on with him looking for meaning and freedom in the village, as well as the location of the old woman. After about two days, no one seems to remember who he is. Confused, he retreats to his rundown house, where he is visited by the collector, who tries to take him away. He angrily unmasks the attacker, who’s face is not seen, but when the main character sees it he looks surprised and without hesitating stabs the collector. That ends the movie

evilkillerfiggin

17 pages

Posted
avril 19, 2008 - 8:14am

RE: How does this story sound?

Bloody hell, man! I'm not reading all that.

Break it up into paragraphs ~_^

TunerAddict

59 pages

Posted
avril 19, 2008 - 9:15am

RE: How does this story sound?

Interesting...I'd be a little pissed if I was left hanging like that though.

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jennafoo

102 pages

Posted
avril 20, 2008 - 12:12pm

RE: How does this story sound?

I agree with the person who said they wouldn't want to be left hanging. There wouldn't seem much point to the story if we never found out why they were there, what the point was, who the collector was, etc.

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LastGunman

100 pages

Posted
avril 21, 2008 - 12:17am

RE: How does this story sound?

Sounds great!

But why end it with so much questions? I want to read/see the whole story.

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TimmyVilgiate

108 pages

Posted
avril 21, 2008 - 2:39pm

RE: How does this story sound?

Alternate Ending: The collector takes him away to a shed, where he is re-educated. Eventually, the leader comes to try and re-educate him. He decides to make an example of him. He also reveals that the method of controlling the people is the drugging of the well. He is set to be publically executed, but eventually leads the people to overthrow the leader, and sets them off on a journey to find the outside world.

1. May change it, so that he knows that there are outsiders, they just kill them whenever they come to visit.

How does it sound now?

hmltwin

208 pages

Posted
avril 23, 2008 - 9:33am

RE: How does this story sound?

It sounds fine to me without the alternate ending, but I think the identity of the collector should be revealed. Like, the MC stabs the collector and then the audience sees who the collector is. It might answer some of the questions, depending on who the person is. Leaving some unanswered questions is fine, but not answering any is very, very bad.
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