Kudos to Sapianwriter for the idea. Post your worst song lyrics here, for people to comment on and to assure you that theirs are worse.

So, start posting!

Ok these are really bad and my worst so far. I will only put a few lines down.

Check It out
Turn it out
I know your name
lets play your game
But why can't you understand
that I'm the better man

Those are some of the worst for me.
Let me just say... I told you there were pretty bad! lol

Oh McCloskey-you poor sweet thing. I've got you beat by a mile.

I'll just give you my opening number in all its glory (including the 2 lines of dialogue lead-in). And if that doesn't scare you, I should tell you, this is my BEST song. hahahahaha!

(the dual dialogue icon doesn't copy and paste, but somewhere down there everybody is singing on top of each other...)

MARIA

There's a ship, coming, Perpetua.

PERPETUA

I see it.

(moves toward the ocean, lost in thought)

IT'S AN UGLY SHIP, BUT IT HOLDS THE ANSWER, THE ANSWER TO MY DREAMS. IT'S NOT THE CANDIDA. IT'S BIGGER, BLACKER, WITH SMOKE AND A PADDLE WHEEL. MY HOPE, MY DREAM IS FOR AN ANSWER, AN ANSWER FROM THE GOVERNOR.

MARIA

(Singing more to herself, not in answer to Perpetua)

A NEW SHIP, A BIG SHIP. IT SPEAKS OF SCIENCE. I HOPE, I PRAY THAT THERE'S A DOCTOR ON THAT SHIP. A DOCTOR WHO SAVE BABIES, SAVES BABES BEFORE THEY'RE BORN.

PERPETUA

FATHER HAS WRITTEN, WHAT WILL THE GOVERNOR SAY? MAY I TEACH ON THIS SMALL ISLAND? MY DREAMS. MY PLANS. THEY'RE BIGGER, BRIGHTER, WITH HOPE FOR A FUTURE SCHOOL.

Uncle Timo enters. He carries a sack filled with coconuts.

TIMO

IT'S A SHIP FROM SPAIN, A SHIP FROM FAR AWAY. THERE WAS A SHIP BROUGHT ME HERE A LONG TIME AGO. MY PEOPLE, MY KIN. WE'RE PRISONERS. TAKEN BY BLACK-BIRDERS. WHAT IS THIS SHIP? THE PATINO. IT'S BIGGER, STRANGER, WITH LIES AND A DANGEROUS FEEL.

PERPETUA

I NEED AN ANSWER.

MARIA

I NEED A DOCTOR.

TIMO

I NEED MY FREEDOM.

Enter Mrs. Camacho, dressed very nicely, fanning herself.

mrs. camacho

I NEED NEW FASHION!

IT'S A SHIP FROM SPAIN. THE PATINO. IT'S BIGGER, FASTER. IT'S COME A LONG WAY. I HOPE, I PRAY FOR LACE AND SILK AND PATTERNS. MY HANDS, MY FEET, THEY'RE BARE, USELESS, WITHOUT THE FEEL OF SOFT TULLE.

Enter other villagers.

first villager

I NEED NEWS OF MY SON.

SECOND VILLAGER

I NEED WORK, A COMMISSION.

THIRD VILLAGER

I NEED THE PARTS FOR MY BOAT.

PERPETUA

IT'S A SHIP. IT'S BIGGER, NEWER. THE PATINO. IT CARRIES MY HOPES, MY DREAMS. WHAT PLANS, WHAT GIFTS, WHAT NEWS DOES IT BRING? I HOPE, I PRAY

MARIA

IT'S A SHIP. IT'S BIGGER, RICHER. THE PATINO. IT HOLDS MY HOPES, MY DREAMS. WHAT'S DUE, A DOCTOR. DOES IT BRING FOR ME?

TIMO

IT'S A SHIP. IT'S DARKER, DANGEROUS. THE PATINO. WILL IT CARRY ME TO FREEDOM? WHAT FATE DOES IT BRING? I HOPE, I PRAY

MRS. CAMACHO

IT'S A SHIP. IT'S A SHIP. IT'S A SHIP FROM SPAIN. OH GLORIOUS SHIP. EL PATINO. WHAT RICHES DOES IT CONTAIN? I HOPE, I PRAY

VILLAGERS

IT'S A SHIP. IT'S A SHIP. IT'S A SHIP. IT'S A SHIP. IT'S A SHIP. IT'S A SHIP. EL PATINO. I HOPE, I PRAY

PERPETUA

FOR AN ANSWER, A SCHOOL

MARIA

FOR A DOCTOR, A BABY

TIMO

FOR FREEDOM

MRS. CAMACHO

FOR SILK AND LACE AND LACE AND SILK

VILLAGERS

FOR DREAMS SPUN OF GOLDEN THREAD, FOR PRIVILEGES GRANTED, FOR JUSTICE, FOR GIFTS AND WORDS, FOR HOPES AND PLANS.

ALL

IT'S A SHIP. THE PATINO. IT'S BIGGER, IT'S COMING. WE HOPE, WE PRAY. (beat) LET'S GO!

You think THAT'S bad? Oh you poor sweet fools. Here's my first song (with staging).

INT. DOME PARK - DAY CYCLE

A massibe glass dome, lit by artificial lights. Outside the dome is the night saku. Inside is a beautiful park.

The TARDIS materialises in the middle of the park as happy, upbeat music begins to play. THE DOCTOR bursts out of the TARDIS, closely followed by JENNY and JEREMIAH.

THE DOCTOR
(singing) Welcome, to the starship Kemerina,
Built in, twenty-seven sixty-nine,
Welcome to the stars, 'cause we just took off from Mars,
And we're on our way to planet Castofen,

Around a corner crouch RICHARD and PETE, in OSCU uniform and crafling machine guns.

PETE
Do you think that's them?

RICHARD
Think man, who else could it be?
They just appeared out of nowhere,

PETE
Yes, but Richard, there are three-

RICHARD
But if they operate alone,
It could throw us off their scent.

THE DOCTOR is strolling through the park now.

THE DOCTOR
Welcome! to the good ship Kemerina,
The best, cityship for many years,

JENNY
But Doctor tell me how, oh please Doctor tell me now,
How'd we get here on our way to Big Ben?

RICHARD and PETE step out and point their guns at THE DOCTOR, JENNY and JEREMIAH.

PETE
Don't move! You're the prisoners of OSCU,

THE DOCTOR
Oh dear, this can't be very good,

JEREMIAH
You don't have to tell me,

RICHARD
Put your hands where we can see,

RICHARD and PETE put handcuffs on THE DOCTOR, JENNY and JEREMIAH and begin to lead them somewhere.

PETE
And don't try to run or we'll pump you full of lead,

He kicks THE DOCTOR savagely in the leg.

RICHARD
Don't try or we'll put bullets through your head!

RICHARD and PETE begin violently pushing THE DOCTOR, JENNY and JEREMIAH along with their guns.

I like to put all song lyricsi in caps because then I can get the feel of being yelled at, too.

You've obviously missed the whole point of sucky songs!
You've got irony--playing off the good ship lollipop. You've got the "tell me how" sass. And you have some very cute rhyme going on, especially at the end.

Love
AND DON'T TRY TO RUN OR WE'LL PUMP YOU FULL OF LEAD.

DON'T TRY OR WE'LL PUT BULLETS THROUGH YOUR HEAD.

Punchy! I may borrow that! (crediting you, of course)!

LOL.

Lol. I guess you win. ( :P

Good thing you conceded. I was getting ready to post my song about Don Quixote and Rocinante! boy is it bad...

Wait till I write my dalek song (entitled "Exterminate"). Then we'll see...

How about:

World?
Kiss my ever-loving ass!
Kiss it now, kiss it good.
I've done everything you've asked,
Treat me nice like you should.

The world is full of losers,
A loser I am not!
The world is full of ass-holes,
And ass-holes should be shot!

So, Kiss my ever-loving ass,
Cuz World, you're an ass-hole, too!

::Takes a bow::

There's some real emotion in that song, jrb! And yeah, it's pretty bad. But hey--Congrats on the win!