Writer Profile: go-mom

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Page Count
104 pages
Age 43
Location Toronto, Canada
Favorite films/plays

Die Hard; Indiana Jones; CSI Miami; Life; Law & Order; Numbers; The Replacement Killers; The Mummy; It's A Wonderful Life; Sound of Music; Big Fat Liar

Other interests

Writing; reading; feeding housefuls of people

Script title What You Can't See
Script type Screenplay
Script genre Crime/Gangster
My script is Miami Vice meets CSI Miami
Logline A vicious gang, a hit list of undercover cops and a blind "eyewitness" - what you can't see will hurt you
My soundtrack would be Santana; FInger 11; Matchbox 20; World music; Jazz fusion; Foo Fighters
An Excerpt from What You Can't See

FADE IN:

EXT. WAREHOUSE DISTRICT - NIGHT
Members of the notorious Mara Salvatrucha, or MS-13, have taken an undercover cop, DAN MARINO, to an abandoned warehouse. They have discovered his identity, and will make an example of him to warn off any more cops. He is viciously beaten as the leader of the gang, CARLOS ORTEZ, tells him what they do to liars and cops.

CARLOS ORTEZ
What did you think
(delivers vicious blow to side of DAN’S head, knocking him and the chair backward. Another gang member rights it)

Did you think we were so stupid we didn’t know? That you cops are so f-----g smart you can sneak right in to our little hideout?

(He laughs and the other gang member follow suit)

How stupid are you? You know what happens next. We show no mercy to cops. Especially not lying, stinking undercover cops.

(he deals another solid blow, this time to the gut.
DAN grunts

CARLOS ORTEZ
(Continues to punch as he speaks)
I have a message
(blow to the face)
for you
(blow to side of the head)
to deliver.
(pauses to let DAN catch his breath, then hits him again)
The Mara Savatrucha will not be stopped.

DAN
is a mess. Blood drips on his shirt from his nose and mouth. He drops his head and begs

Please, Carlos. No More. No mas.

CARLOS ORTEZ
Had enough? I don’t think so. You’re better off dead. Infact, you are only useful to us dead. But before you die, I will give you one last chance. Not to save yourself, but to save the one you love.

DAN looks up, wary.

CARLOS ORTEZ
I know where your girlfriend lives. I have sent two of my best men to pay her a visit. What’s that? She shouldn’t pay for what you have done?

DAN reacts to this. Shakes his head, no.

CARLOS ORTEZ
Well, tell me what I want to know, and she will stay alone tonight. Tell me what you know about the list. I know you know about the list.

DAN shakes his head, mumbles something incoherent.

CARLOS ORTEZ looks angry, fed up. Kicks DAN in the side.

Tell me what you know, damn it! Why do you want her to suffer what Ruiz and Juan will do to her? Just tell me what you know. It’s easy. You save her. You die anyway. What does it matter?

DAN is agonizing over this decision. His face is contorted with pain. Low voice

Don’t hurt her! She doesn’t know anything.

CARLOS ORTEZ looks pleased.

Then tell me what you know. See – I have my phone out, I’ll call them. No worry. Just talk. Now!
Or maybe you want to hear from your girlfriend. I’ll just dial

CARLOS holds up phone, punches some numbers. Phone rings. He puts it on speaker.

Ruiz? You there, man?

O.S. RUIZ
(answers phone)

Yeah, man. We’re here. So’s the bitch.

CARLOS

Good. Someone here wants to talk to her. Put her on.

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