Scene 6

Fade up to the Tech Theatre class, however you arranged it the first time we saw them. Amy and Scott are sitting together, and Miki is sitting marginally closer to Pasha than she was the last time we saw her in class. James has moved a little closer to the rest of the group.

TEACHER

I was really surprised when only five people signed up for this class.

SCOTT

(under his breath)

Welcome to the suburbs, everyone who'd normally take shop is smoking pot after fucking Jewelery class.

TEACHER

But I figured we should get to know each other better. Let's play a game.

SCOTT

Those are words of ill portent.

PASHA

(raises hand)

Can we play "World's Worst"?

TEACHER

If you'll explain what it is.

PASHA

Well, it's a game I learned in another theater class where someone states "World's Worst" something, like "Movie Titles". And then everyone has to contribute something.

TEACHER

Great idea, Pasha! Let's start right now. Who wants to choose a topic?

Pause.

JAMES

That is so gay.

SCOTT

Yeah, 'cause the game is homosexual.

PASHA

(hurriedly)

How about... World's Worst...

MIKI

Pickup lines.

PASHA

That sounds good.

Pause.

AMY

How strange, I'm bored already.

JAMES

(quietly)

How do you like your eggs in the morning -- scrambled, or fertilized?

MIKI

Good one. By the way, love the shirt -- looks great on you.

JAMES

Than--

MIKI

It'd look even better inside-out on my bedroom floor.

PASHA

(obviously checking Miki out)

Hey, if I said you had a nice body... would you hold it against me?

Miki moves to slap him, then... doesn't.

AMY

(staring at Pasha very, very blatantly)

Hey handsome, are those moon pants?

PASHA

What?

AMY

'Cause, man, that ass of yours is outta this world.

JAMES

Hi there. You'll do.

PASHA

(looking at Miki)

Hey. Are you legal?

MIKI

(looking at Pasha)

So are you a screamer or are you a moaner?

PASHA

(still looking at Miki, in a very... explicit throaty voice)

I've been a bad boy. Spank me!

MIKI

I don't know what you think of me... but I hope it's rated X.

At this point, the rest of the class is staring at them in surprise and alarm. James has a look of stunned admiration on his face, as does the teacher.

PASHA

Save a horse, ride a Russian.

MIKI

Trust me, it only seems kinky the first time.

PASHA

Your place or mine, sexy?

The teacher moves forward, like he's going to interrupt them. Scott delivers the coup de grace.

SCOTT

I don't care what you say. Baby, let's fuck!

Spontaneous applause from everyone ensues. If possible, get the audience to join in. If remotely possible, attempt to direct this into a full-on standing ovation.

AMY

Wow. Just... wow.

JAMES

That about sums it up.

Fade to black. Techie sounds. Yeah.